Going home again… apparently you can.

Hey everyone! It's been awhile since I've blogged so I apologize in advance for the loooooong post. There has been many changes since the last time I wrote. We sold a house, bought a house, got a job after being out of work for the last 7 years, and moved to Philadelphia. So lets do this in an orderly fashion… the least stressful of all those three crazy things I just listed was selling my house. I go on and on about my old neighborhood. (It feels really weird to say that. How is it possible that I no longer live in the BEA?!) My house sold for asking price within two weeks of being on the market. Buying my house was a little stressful. It wasn't the Philadelphia thing, anytime you buy a house it's stressful. The absolute most stressful thing ever was moving. The move really snuck up on me so mentally,  I wasn't prepared. Our move was a nightmare, our packers on both ends were horrible, and so much of my stuff got broken, I can't even talk about it. Anywho, after all that, here I am, back "home." After 11 years away it seems a little surreal. It's great to be around my family, my kids can see their grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins pretty much whenever they want, which is awesome. Speaking of my kids, I've barely seen them since we've been here. They're having a blast! It's great to be here but I miss Virginia Beach TERRIBLY. I miss everything about Virginia Beach, my house, my neighborhood, and most importantly, my friends. Who, by the way, I could not have gotten through my move without. My BEA peeps were such a big help. I have never properly thanked them for everything they did. Honestly, I don't think I will ever be able to properly thank them for many reasons; 1-there's no way I could possibly do anything to show my gratitude, and 2- It would make me way too emotional. To say I was a hot mess the day I left is an understatement.  So, if any of you are reading this, please know, your help and friendship means more to me then you could possibly know.

The second part leading to the yoga of it all would be when I went back to Virginia Beach last weekend. My friend Olivia and I had tickets to see the AMAZING Phillip Phillips in concert (which was awesome BTW!) While I was there I went back to my old yoga stomping grounds for some yoga with Jodi. I've decided that Sunday morning "Jodi class" has been added to my list of happy places. There is just something about the yoga room at Inlet fitness. If you live in Virginia Beach and have never take a yoga class at Inlet you are doing yourself a disservice. Being back in that room on a mat gave me an instant feelings of peace and calm. I held my own in class and felt so great afterwards. Jodi had us focus on being receptive to change. Considering all the new in my life it seemed fitting. This brings me to share with you my absolute favorite quote…"coincidence is God's way of staying anonymous." We get put in places in the exact time we are supposed to be there. I'm sad to have had to leave Virginia but I have unshakeable faith that I am where I am supposed to be. Each new experience, each event that brings change  is just a chapter in our life story. Change can be scary but I know that God has a life planned out for me greater then I can only imagine. I'm just along for the ride and am looking forward to see what's next.

In closing, I'm here to tell you in life and in yoga you most definitely CAN go home again… no matter how long you've been gone.

The Prodigal Daughter is back… The 3 R's

Hey ya'll! It's been AWHILE! Things have been a little crazy lately, life has been in a bit of a tailspin. Let's see, in a nutshell, here's what's been going on… we've sold a house, bought a house, Ethan had minor surgery, and been preparing for our move to Philadelphia. That's it, so of course in the midst of all that I got off course there for awhile. The good/bad news is I'm back to the yoga of it all… just in time for me to move. ERGH!!!!!! It's so bittersweet. That brings me to the 3 R's: Reflection, Return, and Redemption.

I'm going to get to the yoga but first, here's 2 of the 3 R's "Return and Reflection." So, lets talk about the move for a minute…. So, OBVI I'm excited to move to Philly. That's where I grew up, that's where my blood family is, friends I've known since birth, and some of my best memories. But here's the thing, as a Navy family you're taught that home is "wherever the Navy sends you." For the past 11 years that's worked. We've lived in 4 soon to be 5 states in the past 11 years and in each place I've made home. Somewhere along the way I realized that while Philly will always and forever be the place I grew up… it's no longer "home." That's how Navy families survive. When your family is hours and hours away, when you don't know anyone, when you're somewhere you would never choose to be, you suck it up and it becomes your home. So having lived like that for the past decade it's a little surreal and odd for me to be going "home." It makes me think of that scene in "Julie and Julia" where Julia Child is talking to her husband about where they would move to and she says "home, where's that?" That's how I feel sometimes. I have all kinds of thoughts and feelings about moving "home" none of which I care to tap into right now and I can't even entertain the idea of talking about leaving Virginia. I'm already starting to choke up… So let's get to the the 3rd R shall we….

REDEMPTION!!!!!!!!!!!! Months ago I wrote about having a mental breakdown in a class because I couldn't bend myself into a pretzel like the pregnant lady who was next to me. Remember that? Well, what you might not know about that experience I had is that I hadn't been back to that class since. I mean, duh, how could I? It was mortifying? I could NEVER show my face back there again. Wait for it, wait for it…. UNTIL LAST TUESDAY!!!!!!!!!! I did it! I (reluctantly with a lot of coaxing from my friend and one of my yoga mentors) forced myself to brave the big scary "Chris class" in the interest of overcoming fear and self doubt. I have to tell you….. IMHO I kicked that classes ass! (of course I mean in comparison to the last time I took it.) There were no tears, and I kept up, and even managed to land some pretty impressive "jump backs." Let me tell you, I haven't felt that amazing after a class in a loooooong time. In retrospect I realize that all that embarrassment and stubbornness was my own stupid ego. (I'm so sick of that little f'er!) I deprived myself of months of learning from an amazing instructor because I couldn't get over my own ridiculous head games. So this is a big victory for me. 

In the midst of all the craziness I haven't been going to yoga as much as I would've like to. I'm still not back on my "regular" schedule, but what I can tell you is this. My mat welcomed me back with open arms and it was like I'd never left. That feeling, my friends is another "home" all together. When I'm on my mat I'm more aware, I concentrate better and let distraction go all at the same time. I focus on my breathing and my heart rate and nothing else in the world matters in those moments. And when I'm done, and I realize the amazing work I just did, I'm so thankful. I'm thankful for everything, time to do yoga, strong working limbs, anything and everything you can be thankful for I am, because in those brief moments on my mat nothing else matters. There's no stress, no worry, no sadness, no regret, just being present in the now knowing I will get where I need to be eventually. And that my friends, is good enough for me.

Inspiration and thanks

Happy Friday ya'll This has been a very challenging week here at my house. There's a lot going on and the craziness of it all took its toll and now I'm sick. Booo Hooo. I was going to write about class last night and fear but I found this video on Facebook and I couldn't not share it with you. THIS is what it's all about. This man is an inspiration. He is the poster boy for believing in yourself and NEVER giving up. Don't listen to the negative voices whether they are in your head or being told to you by "professionals." I struggle with a lot of different things in my yoga, I feel like I'm too fat, I get frustrated, I fall, I lose my balance, and a whole list of other things. I'm not there yet, but that's ok, I'm where I am supposed to be. Seriously! There's been a lot of new people in my yoga classes, I've caught myself telling them "if I can do this anyone can." When I was watching this video I thought to myself, "who am I to complain about anything?" Oh poor me, my shoulder hurts, oh poor me, I can't get my leg on my thigh for tree pose, oh poor me my post baby belly gets in the way, oh poor me, oh poor me. WHO CARES!?!?!? This man couldn't walk unassisted and look how far he came. If HE can do it, anyone can. That brings me to my next point, all it takes is one instructor to believe in you. I am so unbelievably blessed. I have THE MOST amazing instructors ever. In the few short months I've been practicing they've taught me some of the most valuable lessons. I've learned to be content, I've learned to let go of fear and judgement, I've learned to trust not only others but myself, I've learned to breathe, I've learned to acknowledge and let go of distractions, I've learned that it's ok to cry, I've learned to be in the moment, I've learned to let go of "anything that no longer serves me," and most importantly I learned that it is the journey that's important, not the destination. The journey is where the lessons are learned, and where you experience growth. So I want to send a very sincere shout out to you, my amazing instructors and teachers: Jodi, Dana, Beth, Tara, Jen, Jeremiah, Chris, and Suzanne. My life is forever changed from starting this journey and I know you were specifically placed in my life for a reason. I'm so thankful for all of you! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

Blessed.

Happy Monday ya'll! It's been awhile (again) since I've blogged. Let's get right down to it shall we… yoga is hard… you know what makes it harder? Doing something to your shoulder. I woke up a few weeks ago and thought maybe I slept on it funny… the pain didn't go away, and got significantly worse. Last Friday I was in class and I did something and OW OW F' ITY OW! I had to leave class early. :( My wonderful instructors Dana and Jen messaged me later that day to check on me, and I realized… yoga is about so much more then poses and bending yourself like a  pretzel. It's about community, helping one another, and sharing your light and energy with everyone around you. I'm not fishing or feeling sorry for myself but the fact that two different people thought enough to check in on me meant so much. If you're reading this thank you Dana and Jen, you guys are the dogs tuxedo! Here's what I learned this week, yoga is as much about what we do off our mats then the poses and the pretzel twisting. Earlier last week I took my sweet Simon back to the vet. I was uber stressed because I had to fill a prescription that was going to be very expensive. It turns out one of the vet techs had a dog that passed from congestive heart failure. She had an (almost) full bottle of his prescription that she was waiting to give to the "right" dog. We were blessed that day and it hit me… pay it forward, help others when you can, and be nice. On a different note, if you haven't already heard it listen to the Kenny Chesney song (with Dave Matthews) "I'm Alive." You won't regret it!

So many questions….

Hello my lovelies! It's been awhile since I blogged. Life has been kind of busy lately. Yoga has been a challenge. As much as I thought I hadn't, getting out of my routine has really affected me. I don't feel as strong physically and I don't feel as confident as I did. BOO! :( I'm hoping as I get back into routine this will re-reverse.

So, here's my question… it's not really a question but here it goes. My instructors always talk about "your practice." They'll say things like "do this… if it's in your practice." I don't feel like I have a practice. I do yoga, I go to class regularly, but I don't feel like what I'm doing is "mine." I'm doing sequences my instructors put together, when does it become "mine." I'd love to think that I could be at home doing yoga on my own but I wouldn't have the first clue where to start. How do I get there… anyone?

Thanks :)

Hey ya'll :) It's been awhile since I wrote. Let me explain… We've had some "bad" weather here in Virginia Beach. "Bad" weather =4 inches of snow. I personally LOVE snow. It's so pretty, and the idea of a snow day is pretty much heaven for me. Hanging around with the people I love, fireplace going, coffee, kids coming in with rosy cheeks, seriously! Does
it get any better? As much as I LOVE snow I don't like to play in it. I just like to look at it's prettyness from my kitchen window while I spend the day baking bread. :) So, because of said snow a bunch of my regular classes were cancelled.  If any of my Philly peeps are reading this right now you're probably laughing your frozen butts off… as for my Maine peeps, you probably aren't reading this because you're buried under a snow bank somewhere. But here in Virginia Beach 4 inches is a big deal. And to defend the great city of Virginia Beach, we got a lot of ice and the roads were slippy slidey for a few days. On top of that...I have been S-I-C-K SICK! So, the first half of the week was shot because of "bad" weather, and the last half I fell victim to the awful virus that's going around. If you have this virus I'm so sorry, it's miserable. I was barely able to lift my head up for two days. BLAH! Anywho… after all that crazy drama I returned to my yoga happy place finally.

So let's talk about yoga shall we? You know how something comes up and you get out of your routine of going to the gym or working out? That didn't happen to me. I couldn't wait to get back on my mat! It felt so amazing to sweat out all the icky germs and stretch my stagnant muscles after 3 loooooong days of practically bed rest.

My last blog I talked a lot about fear, so as you know I'm a scared person. I'm trying not to be but sometimes the fear creeps up on me. (For example, I had an AMAZING experience at a yoga workshop last saturday, but I'm not ready to write about it yet.) Today I want to talk about life. My AMAZING Sunday (and soon to be Tuesday!) instructor Jodi always says at the end of class "this is not a dress rehearsal, you only get one life, live it to it's fullest." Today that really struck a nerve. She's absolutely right! What are we/you waiting for!? What are we/you putting off because you think you have all the time in the world? I thought it was ironic because yesterday my husband randomly asked me "if you died today how would you feel?" I told him I would feel cheated. I had a laundry list of reasons why but the point is, there's too much left to see. I have to see my sons graduate, get married, have babies, the list goes on and on. He told me he feels the opposite of me. That makes sense because he lives his life the way everyone should. He lives everyday to the fullest and doesn't take one minute for granted. So the lesson is this…. tomorrow is not promised. If we're lucky enough to see it, we need to do as much living as we possibly can. Do the things you want to do, try new things, tell people how you feel about them, ignore piles of dishes and laundry to make cookies with your kids, and know when you go to sleep each night that you lived as much as you could in that day. By then you'll be so tired from all that livin' you'll probably have the best night sleep of your life. :) So tonite, as I wind down for a good nights sleep I want to say thank you. Thank you Matt and Jodi for the reminder that this is not a dress rehearsal. I will make a daily decision not to let fear keep me from living life to the fullest.

1 John 4:18

Happy Saturday my sweet friends. I hope ya'll are having a really good day. It's a typical, loud, crazy, full of smiles, and love start of the weekend here at Casa de Wadleigh.

I want to talk about fear today. I'm so sick of being afraid of everything. I'm sick of walking into a room and feeling small and insecure, I'm sick of wanting to do things but knowing in my heart that I won't because I'm too scared. And not just scared of what I would be doing, I'm scared of every aspect of it. Walking into a room full of people I don't know, looking like an idiot, feeling judged, ect. So here's where I really face my fears. I'm going to list some of my biggest fears. I'm doing this so hopefully I'll go back and read them and realize how insignificant and ridiculous they are. I'm scared that someone will mention something to do or go to, and I go and the person who asked me was only asking to be polite. Why do I feel like this? Why is it so hard for me to believe that someone would ask me to do something or go somewhere because they genuinely want me to be included?

I can be a really judgmental person. I'm not at all proud of that, and I'm really working on it. I don't like to feel judged, and I truly believe that nobody is any better or worse then anybody else, yet still I have awful moments where I'm judgmental. Obviously, this is why I'm so afraid I'm being judged. I am most offended by negative traits of others because I know I have the same traits. I don't hate other people when these traits surface, I  hate myself because when I see other people do it, I realize how it makes people feel, and the hurt it can cause. This needs to stop.

The point of this blog was to document my yoga journey. I assumed every blog post would be about poses, and frustrations about my strength (or lack there of) Here's what I'm learning, yoga makes you look at yourself in ways that you may not want to. When you quiet yourself and push all the "surface" things away the real stuff begins to show. Today my fear is smacking me right in the face. And I want it to go away. I want to be able to walk in a room and be confident. I want to be in a conversation and only stop talking when the conversation is over, not because my head is telling me "okay Holly, they're were only being polite, they're not really interested." I want to try any new thing or experience and not give a shit about if I look stupid or may not be perfect at it. And most importantly, I want to be able to write stuff like this and not be afraid to post it because I'm afraid of what people might say or think.

I read a quote the other day that really stuck with me. It said "I used to walk into a room and wonder if the people there liked me, now I walk in and wonder if I like them." I'm not sure I want to strive to get to that point because it seems a little cold to me. I want to love everyone I come in contact with until they give me reason not to, and then if and when they give me a reason not to I want to be so filled with love and compassion that forgiveness overcomes any hurt or pain they may have caused and any fear that they will do it again.